


Through the looking glass

by Bluemary



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marshmallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluemary/pseuds/Bluemary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, in some dimensions there's Civil War, in others there are two not-boyfriends wondering what they are watching.<br/>Or, Loki and Tony play with science and magic and find themselves watching a movie where one of them is mistreatead badly and the other is nowhere to be seen. Also, Cap seems to be on spinach.</p><p>Spoilers for Captain America: Civil War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the looking glass

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I just watched Civil War and I needed to vent. This is the result, hoping it's not too nonsensical. Also, it's not betaed and English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for the mistakes.

**Through the looking glass**

 

It was another dimension, or something like that. The result of his and Asgardian Maleficent's attempt to distort the space-time continuum – something different than the usual blowing up stuff, just to see if they would be able to do it.

So, they used the Reactor's energy, together with Evil in Black's powers and some equations, and now Tony was watching himself on the screen. Well, a tragic, mistreated version of himself, from what seemed like a movie based on his life as superhero if he were surrounded by super-assholes.

“I still can't understand how come there's a Captain America movie and not an Iron Man one”, he said for what could have been the third or fourth time since he had read the title of the movie.

Mixing science with green mojo that he totally refused to call magic? A dangerous thing, because in no known or unknown universe Capsicle would be interesting enough to have his own movie without Tony having his own first.

“Some lowly mortal would never be more interesting than a god,” was the hiss coming from his side.

The horned diva hadn't taken that discovery well either.

“Let's agree it's a paradox and move on. I'm curios to see what happens.”

So far there had been Capsicle with a bigger than ever stick up his arse, his homicidal friend, a bunch of new superguys and definitely too little screen time for him, and he was dying to see when he would come out again to save everyone's ass.

The sulking, indignant god sitting next to him made a snort.

“Pathetic.”

On the screen, the homicidal guy was struggling to maintain control while the one who seemed the most unimpressive villain ever was saying some foreign words.

“What?”

“They are copying my actions on Barton. More over, my mind control was way more efficient.”

“The glow stick of destiny? I admit it was more majestic.”

At least he had to give Loki that.

The pout persisted, even if there was a hint of interest too, in the god's eyes.

“Does that kind of ritual truly work, for you mortals?”

Telling the psychopathic conqueror wannabe that you could hypnotize and brainwash a person through some stimuli and words? Bad idea.

“Only in the movie,” he casually lied.

The psychopath sent him a sharp gaze, and Tony abruptly remembered that he was known as the God of Lies, among the other things.

“Just watch and keep silent, will you? Maybe you'll get some screen time too.”

The expression Loki gave him wasn't convinced at all, but at least he didn't ask further question about mind control. Instead, he followed the scenes with pursed lips, at least until Captain Boy-Scout and Eyeliner Assassin reunited and soon became surrounded by the military.

“I am confused, Stark. Are they trying to destroy the shield and that metal hand, by focusing their attacks against them on purpose?” the god asked.

At the tenth soldier who carefully hit Barnes' stretched out metal hand instead of his vital parts, or just any other parts of his body, Tony groaned.

“No, I fear it's just bad script. Probably they didn't know how to make the two of them escaping in a badass way.”

Disappointment took possess of Loki's face.

“It is boring me. When shall someone be killed?”

“There's just been a bomb. Don't be too greedy.”

“Hardly anyone died. Anyone important, at least.”

Tony was actually quite worried about his other self, since he didn't seem well. Not surprising, given how bad the people he had around were treating him. No people dying seemed a good thing, for what he was concerned.

“Just wait, we're only at the beginning.”

“If you say so,” the god commented, in a voice that made perfectly clear the ' _lowly mortal_ ' he hadn't actually pronounced.

So, just to be his annoying self, Loki began pouting and commenting wickedly their every move and every single flaw and unrealistic thing of that movie.

Tony had given up explaining Thor what a movie was long before, now he didn't have the strength to explain his not-brother that an action movie required a certain degree of poetic license; especially given the fact that the poetic licenses were beginning to pile up at a frightening rate and seemed more like plot holes or utter bullshit. He didn't want to listen to Loki ranting for every little detail that was wrong – “Is it normal for you mortals to forget about the mourning when an attractive relative of the mourned shows up?” “Why is that purple being dressed in such ugly civilian clothes that contrast so awfully with his skin color?” “Why do you not use your technological ability and the genius mind you brag to possess to stop and outsmart those Avengers rebels and the government?” _why indeed_ – so he recurred to his secret weapon.

A bowl of popcorn for himself and a bag full of chocolate marshmallow for his wicked sort of boyfriend reestablished the silence again, at least until movie Tony and movie Capsicle began fighting.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Why don't I shoot to his legs?” Tony – the one and only real one – burst out, because even his suspension of disbelief had its limits.

Loki grinned, chewing graciously a chocolate marshmallow.

“Stark, I am trying to watch the movie.”

Tony ignored him.

“Take away his shield, alternate Tony, you can do it!” he cheered, while the god kept peacefully eating the marshmallow and was watching him and the movie alternatively.

“You mortals seem more idiotic than the usual.”

“Capsicle stopping an helicopter? Did he ate a lot of spinach in that dimension or what?”

“It is evident that the flying device was fake. A fragile Midgardian would never be so strong.”

That distracted Tony from his rant against the movie.

“Fragile Midgardian? Like fragile Banner who used your head to redecorate a whole floor of my Tower?”

Loki shot him a scathing glance.

“Aside from the beast, then. Certainly, not your Captain. Shall I remind you that I was having a hard time trying to lose against him, in Stuttgart?”

“You mean before I arrived with all my awesomeness and you fell in love with me?”

There was a green flash, and the popcorn he was about to eat opened their mouth ad showed a frightening amount of _fangs_. Tony hastily threw them away.

“No need to be shy, Bambi. I know I'm awesome.”

There was a not so dignified snort, then the god pointed at the screen.

“You do not seem to fare so well in there.”

Tony was actually afraid of what he could see. His other self dying? The government killing everyone with an atomic bomb? That Vision guy dressed in a red pajama?

No, it was even worse.

“And now Capsicle can punch my suit without breaking his knuckles?” His eyes went wide and he began feeling slightly offended, because even if it was just a movie, that cinematographic version of himself had his same face “He hurts me with his bare hands while I'm wearing my suit? Come on, who had this awful idea?”

“Be silent, Stark.”

“Someone should explain to the movie director that a supersoldier is still a human, while my suit should have a laser, several missiles and more weapons that I can list in five minutes.”

“You are ruining the vision,” the god scolded him.

Tony glared at him, then sullenly let himself fall back against the couch.

On the screen, all the superheroes were fighting against each others, the Avengers falling apart.

After a brief check to be sure they had no fangs, Tony put a handful of popcorn inside his mouth, alternating his displeased gaze between the movie and his guest.

“More than anything, I can't believe you didn't have at least a part of guilt for this mess.”

“I regretfully agree with you, Stark,” Loki commented.

He was pouting, like not being in that movie was some kind of offense, but at the same time he had the expression of someone who was taking notes.

For the sake of their dimension's safety, Tony shut down the screen.

“It's too unrealistic, let's stop watching this shit and doing something more interesting.”

Loki licked the chocolate on his finger, before shooting him a grin that went immediately to Tony's groin.

“I agree. So, Stark, why do not you kneel?”

 


End file.
